CHOIS Connection is published quarterly by Christian Homeschoolers Of Idaho State.
This article appeared in a previous issue.
CHOIS Connection
Resource Review
by Suzanne Reid
"7 Tools for CULTIVATING Your Child's Potential"
Spring/Summer 2006
"Why is it, when you look at many of the adolescents in our churches you don't see kids moving toward the 'way they should go?'"
"88 percent of children raised in evangelical homes leave the church when they turn eighteen. They never return."
"Training a child the way he is 'bent' is a radical approach to education."
Last spring, 2005, Zan Tyler was one of the keynote speakers at the CHOIS convention in Boise. In her own words, she is a compact woman, but in her messages, she packs a powerful punch. Last year, she shed light on some old topics, which compelled me to learn more by reading her book, 7 Tools for CULTIVATING Your Child's Potential.
Many of us know Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." We have memorized this verse, and some parents daily pray this verse over their children. Yet, why is it, when you look at many of the adolescents in our churches you don't see kids moving toward the "way they should go?" In fact, as Zan Tyler states in 7 Tools for CULTIVATING Your Child's Potential, "88 percent of children raised in evangelical homes leave the church when they turn eighteen. They never return."
Zan suggests that the true meaning of raising a child in the "way he should go" is really raising a child up in the way he is "bent." She uses the example of discovering the secret of folding up large maps with many folds. We've all experienced the frustration of quickly trying to close a large travel map; it never seems to be the same once you've opened it. One day, at the end of a class Zan taught, her students left her with 25 opened maps. Her student helper suggested, "Mrs. Tyler, you gotta fold'em the way they're bent." This simple comment was profound to Zan when she considered applying this concept to the education of her children.
Training a child the way he is "bent" is a radical approach to education. One of the most frustrating experiences a homeschool mom knows is forcing her child into some preconceived mold. It could be a certain curriculum, schedule, or skill that the mom feels compelled to push onto her student. The result is disastrous. Many negative results occur: the relationship is hurt, the child's confidence is damaged, the mother is frustrated, and the family balance is upset.
In 77 Tools for CULTIVATING Your Child's Potential, Zan proposes that parents become students of their children. Watch your child from day one to discover his God-given talents and gifts. She says to take time to learn what makes your child tick–how he is bent–so that you can work with the natural bent that God created rather than working against it.
Working with our child's bent will bring more success as we seek God to discover their God-given abilities; yet the process of training and educating children remains one of the most difficult tasks we will attempt. Zan likens the process to tending a garden. She explains that the root word for tend means "to teach" or "draw potential out of." Likewise, the root words for educate mean "to lead out" or "to draw out of." "Just as a gardener tends the soil, to draw out the best it has to offer–so we are to tend our children ... when we educate our children we are attempting to draw out the gifts and potential God has given."
As we cultivate our children's God-given gifts and personality, Zan suggests our goal should be to go ahead of them and prepare a place for them in this world. Just as Jesus says in his word that He is preparing a place for us in Heaven (John 14:2), we parents do the same here on earth, when we carefully cultivate their gifts and prepare them to fulfill their God-ordained vocations as adults.
This work of cultivation takes vision and prayer and the proper tools; Zan dedicates a chapter each to seven essential tools in this work of cultivation. Following thirty years of experience and countless hours of research and study, Zan shares from her personal life the seven tools, or practices: Establishing Identity, Cultivating Intimacy, Discovering Purpose, Developing Worldview, Building Character Through discipleship, Providing Stimulating Academics, Fostering Leadership and Communication Skills.
In her chapter, "Establishing Identity," she quotes Elisabeth Elliot. When we train our children to look at themselves and begin to develop their identity, Zan says that we must start with Elliot's question, "Not who am I? But Whose am I? " Zan explains, "From the very earliest ages, our children need to know that they are God's. God created them for a purpose, and He created them in His image." The simple truth from Psalm 100:3 is, "He made us, and we are His." Once our children grasp the concept that that they are God's, and not "random," as society believes, suddenly they realize they are noble creatures, and they have purpose.
As with a garden, constant attention and cultivation are keys to a flourishing relationship with our children. In "Cultivating Intimacy," Zan discusses the importance of intimacy within a productive family and provides four main tools to develop intimacy. Her discussion of conversation as a tool is one of the most fascinating. My children love to talk throughout the day, and I've always thought it was a distraction to learning. "As it turns out," says Zan, "in God's brilliant scheme of things, language-rich homes are also essential for the child's developing brain and his academic success. Quoting clinical doctors Zan says that language interaction actually builds brain tissue. The next time one of your students interrupts the others with some newly learned fact or thought, enjoy the moment -- his brain is growing!
In "Developing Worldview," Zan first defines "worldview, then explains the importance of having a Christian worldview in today's society. As she discusses the obstacles to developing a Christian worldview -- the separation of sacred and secular; the separation of church and society; and the separation of Christianity and the mind -- I couldn't help but be troubled at some of my own "Christian" thinking and that of many around me. Quoting many great Christian thinkers, Zan reveals the necessity of communicating to our children the relevance of Christianity to all aspects of life.
When Christians separate Christ from their culture they can no longer answer the complex questions of life, such as "Where did I come from? Why am I here? Does life have meaning and purpose?" Christians become irrelevant in society, inept at answering the tough questions of life with the source of all truth, God, Himself.
In "Building Character Through Discipleship," Zan urges us to teach our children to remember God, as commanded in Scripture. The goal of discipleship in our homes as we teach them daily is to help them develop their own relationship with the Heavenly Father. She says, "Our goal is take their hands and place them in the Father's hand." As our children know God more intimately they will learn what is important to Him. The result will be service to others, good manners, and good behavior.
One of the most appealing sections in the book is the epilogue, where Zan's three children leave the reader with some final thoughts. Ty, age 26, encourages us with Isa. 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." John, age 24, says, "Many theologians argue that the chief end of man is 'to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.' Part of glorifying God is having fun with the family that He has blessed one with ... Sing in your house, take field trips, go on vacations, have fun together." Lizzy, age 17, closes the book with this, "I have one message to send to homeschooling mothers; keep on doing what you're doing. Looking back on my homeschooling years, I wouldn't trade them for the world. I know it gets tough, but one day your kids will have the same message for you that I have for my mom: Thanks, Mom, I'm going to miss this.
CHOIS ©2001-2009 All rights reserved.
